Affair Of Risk Read online

  With mounting anger and humiliation Kendra understood that Case wasn't even going to lift her onto the bed. He was going to take her there on the floor.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Her only defense now lay in withdrawing into a far corner of her mind—a corner from which she could view the attack on her body as if it were happening to a limp and lifeless doll. Frantically she corralled her screaming, jabbering, witless senses and fought to pull them back under control; to hide them in that remote part of her brain.

  A part of her registered the success of the retreat by the rigidity of her body. She was aware of the hard, hair-roughened thigh along hers, and she knew of the strength in the sinewy arm across her vulnerable throat, but she forced her mind away from those facts.

  Case's hand moved down the length of her naked body, gliding harshly over the tips of her breasts, the small curve of her stomach, and down over her hips. There was no tenderness in his touch, only a fierce need to explore the territory he was going to conquer.

  "What's the matter with you?" he taunted hoarsely. "Open your eyes and look at me, dammit! You started this, and now you're going to find out what it's like to finish what you start! How many men would give their right arms to have you where I have you now? For how many men will I be the instrument of revenge? Answer me, damn you!"

  Hiding in that far corner of her mind, Kendra tried to focus on only the things she would do when it was all over. For somehow, somewhere, there would be a reckoning.

  She would not let another male do this to her and walk away with laughter in his uncaring eyes. "Open your eyes!"

  When she again refused to heed the command his hard thigh was shoved violently between her legs, eliciting an unwilling gasp of pain from her.

  "Look at me! I want to see the expression in those lying eyes when you learn that you can't treat men as if they're toys to play with and discard!"

  His mouth came down on hers, grinding the soft flesh against her teeth in a way that drew more blood from the wound she had already made in her own lips.

  "What the hell have you done to yourself?" he grated, and she knew he had tasted the blood that was already on her mouth. "You don't have to create any self-inflicted damage," he jeered. "I'll be glad to do it for you!"

  She could still feel pain, she thought wildly. She hadn't retreated far enough yet. She needed to find an even more remote corner in which to hide. She sought for it, dragging her rapidly numbing senses into an even more distant place until she could no longer feel the sting of her mouth or the overwhelming strength in the lean, masculine body covering hers so completely.

  She heard a savage oath muttered against her cheek and wondered why her tormentor didn't get on with his assault. What was slowing him down? Did he want to drag it out purposely in hopes of increasing her humiliation? Her exhausted body was taking in oxygen with short, light pants. She felt crushed under the full weight of Case's frame.

  His mouth moved again on her cheek, and she sensed a new annoyance in him.

  "Damn it to hell! First blood and now tears! What's the matter, Kendra? Can't you take what you dish out so easily?"

  Crying? No, she couldn't be crying! Violently she lashed

  out at the renegade emotion, dragging it back into hiding with the others. The tears stopped.

  "That's better! I'm not so weak as to be swayed by that old trick." His lips were on her throat now, his hands holding her still, pressing her down into the rug. She knew he had forced a way between her legs, was aware of the surging power of his body. In another moment . . .

  His hands moved, releasing their grip on her arms and framing her face between rough palms.

  "Look at me, Kendra," he ordered again. "Open your eyes and look at me, or I swear to God I'll—"

  She didn't wait for the threat. There was no point. Her drooping lashes fluttered open, and she stared up at him, not really seeing the harsh lines of his face. Instead she focused blindly on an imaginary point beyond his dark head.

  He swore again and then moved her head from side to side with a shocking gentleness.

  "Where the hell are you?" he whispered violently. "What are you doing to yourself?"

  She heard the new, rasping uncertainty in his voice, but she didn't respond to it. She was responding to nothing. She was safe, hidden away, waiting for the end.

  His thumbs moved to the corners of her mouth, stroking in slow, urgent circles. He groaned heavily, a sound from deep within his chest.

  "Stop it! Kendra, listen to me! It's all right now. I'm not going to hurt you!"

  She wondered vaguely at the compelling demand in his hoarse words.

  "Relax," he went on, the slow, stroking movement of his thumbs widening into larger circles. "Relax, honey. It's okay, everything's okay. You picked a real sucker this time, didn't you? I'm probably the first guy ever to get you at his mercy, and I haven't got the guts to go through with it!"

  What was he talking about? Why wasn't he raping her? It's what he had intended when he threw her down on the floor. She knew it was what he had intended!

  But he kept talking to her, his voice dark, deep, strangely soothing. It called to the senses she had hidden away, urging them to come back out in the open again. Urging them to trust him. She knew she shouldn't obey, and she tried to restrain her reaction to the calming tone. But her response to it went beyond the rational.

  "Please, honey, just relax. I won't hurt you. No one's going to hurt you. I'll take care of everything. You're going to be all right. You're safe. Safe . . ."

  His hands kept moving over her, gently chafing her cold, damp skin back to life. He eased his weight but didn't break the physical contact. Case touched his lips lightly, gently to her temples, her cheek, her throat.

  They weren't sensual kisses, but quieting, gentling caresses that made no threats. Gradually Kendra returned to her body. Her eyes focused once again, seeing the drawn, tense face of the man above her. She felt, really felt, the warmth in him as he lay against her. The stroking of his fingers down her throat, along her arm, out to her wrist finally penetrated.

  "It's okay, honey. I swear, everything's okay. . . ." "Case?" She could barely manage to utter his name, and when she did it was only a breath of sound containing all the questioning uncertainty that was beginning to consume her as she spiraled back to a semblance of normality.

  His mouth twisted wryly as he met her eyes directly at last. "That's a neat trick," he drawled sardonically, but she could hear the faint quiver in his words. "Even better than the first one. You had me scared there for a minute. You're a very clever woman, Kendra Loring. And I'm a fool."

  He sat up slowly, watching her face with an assessing glance. She had the impression he was striving to maintain

  a remote, disgusted air, but he couldn't hide the remnants of his concern.

  "Case ..." Kendra's voice was shaky but returning to full control as she realized she was safe. "Case, I'm sorry. I—I only wanted to go free. I didn't want to stay here with you, and I—I couldn't think of any other way to get out of this place."

  She knew he was watching her profile as she focused on the carpet. She sat up nervously and reached for the scrap of red silk to hold in front of her. She forced herself to meet his single-eyed gaze again, flinching from the overpowering intensity of that dark look.

  "So you deliberately let me think you wanted to go to bed with me, and then tried to put me out of commission with something as simple as that throw. And I let you sucker me the whole way, didn't I?"

  "Hardly," she bit back sadly. "I—I never stood a chance. I knew that the minute I saw you take the fall." She looked away, shame creeping like a red tide into her cheeks.

  "How much training have you had?" He sounded austerely curious.

  "Almost two years," she admitted.

  He said something short and explicit. "And how many men have you used your vast expertise on?" he taunted coldly.

  "Gilbert Phelps was the first person I've ever really tried it on.
" She glanced at him quickly, anxiously. "I didn't lure him into my hotel room, Case. He was at the door when I turned around to close it. He—he said he wanted some answers, and I told him to leave or I'd call the front desk. He tried to grab me. Everything happened so quickly after that. He walked right into the throw. I was going to run out of the room and get some help but he—he didn't get back up. I thought I might have really hurt him,

  and I was beginning to panic when you showed up at the door."

  He waited a moment, and she had to glance away again from his unself-consciously nude body. The smooth muscles of his back curved and rippled sensually beneath his tanned skin. He was sitting with his knees drawn up, his arms draped thoughtfully around them as he surveyed her.

  "So after two years of training you got lucky in your first real fight. No wonder you were looking so pleased with yourself. After you realized you hadn't committed murder, that is," he added chidingly.

  She flushed again. She had been pleased with herself. She couldn't deny it. After two years she had finally thought she had proof that she could take care of herself, that no man would ever again be able to use his superior strength against her. She remembered the adrenaline high she had experienced all the way back to the casino, and she closed her eyes in mortification.

  "After Phelps, I must have looked like easy prey, hmmm? After all, I wasn't even trying to attack you. I was only asking you to go to bed with me. The ludicrous part is that I thought you really wanted to do it, too! You're a hell of a good actress, Kendra. I could have sworn you were as turned on as I was!"

  He made a small sound of total self-derision. "I've usually got much better instincts about people than that, believe it or not!"

  She licked her lower lip, tasting the salty blood. Her mouth was going to be badly bruised by morning. And she had done it to herself. Case hadn't hurt her. For some idiotic reason she found herself wanting to soothe his male ego. Stupid, really. Case Garrett didn't need any reassurance. Nevertheless she heard herself saying hesitantly, "It's—it's not your fault. I was enjoying myself. You're— that is, I'm sure you're a very good lover. ..."

  "Thanks!" He sounded more irritated than ever.

  Kendra gritted her teeth. This was coming out all wrong. "But you see, you would have found me just as much of a cheat in the end even if I hadn't been plotting to escape."

  "Now, what the hell are you talking about?" he grated.

  "I wouldn't have gone to bed with you, Case. I—I don't like sex." The words came out baldly and with devastating honesty.

  He stared at her. "You don't like it? You just said you'd been enjoying the preliminaries!"

  "That's the only part I enjoy," she explained stonily, wishing she'd never begun the explanation. "A few kisses, a little affection. I'm human enough to want some of the warmth."

  "But not the total commitment, is that it?" He reached out and caught her chin with his hand, forcing her to look at him. His eye narrowed as he saw the faint trembling of her bruised mouth.

  "That's a funny word for a man to use," she tried to say lightly. "Men don't think of going to bed with a woman as any kind of commitment. At its best, it's more like recreation for them."

  "And at its worst?" he probed.

  "At its worst, it's what almost happened between us just now."

  "Rape."

  "Yes." She stared at him unflinchingly. "How long ago were you raped, Kendra?" he growled softly.

  She started, blinking rapidly to recover herself. "Case, I—"

  "How long?" he repeated more gently but with total determination. "I don't discuss it. Not with anyone!"

  "Then it's time you did. How long ago did it happen, Kendra?"

  "Two years ago." She shut her eyes, feeling helpless even though he was only holding her very lightly by the chin.

  He swore very softly, very meaningfully. "Was he ever caught?"

  She shook her head, aware of tears beneath her lids once again. Twice in one night? And she hadn't cried at all in almost two full years.

  "Do you know his name? Do you know who it was?"

  There was nothing but the icy edge of cold steel in his words. The kind of steel used to make swords, Kendra thought, a new fear springing to life in the pit of her stomach.

  "I know." She didn't offer anything further, wanting to end the conversation and not knowing how to do so.

  "I'll kill him for you." There was no emotion at all in him now.

  "Case! Don't say that!" Her eyes flew open, the hazel gaze glistening with moisture. She caught his hand in a frantic movement. "You don't even know me! For God's sake! A few minutes ago you told me I deserved it!"

  The accusation brought the life back into his face. Instantly the marauding shark was buried beneath a softened, contrite expression.

  "A few minutes ago I was out of my head with anger. I didn't mean—"

  "Yes, you did," she snapped. "And so did he. He was angry, too. Furiously angry. And he'd been drinking—a bad combination."

  He moved his fingers soothingly once again over her bare throat and shoulders, and she felt herself quieting beneath his touch. "Don't be upset, honey. We'll talk about it some other time."

  "The subject is closed," she flung back grimly. "I should never have let you open it."

  "You didn't have much choice," he murmured blandly, his fingertips still making those slow, lazy, soothing motions on her shoulders as she sat clutching the silk dress.

  There was a silence between them as Kendra recovered herself, and Case watched her with gentle speculation. She knew he was wondering about what had happened two years ago, knew he was curious about her current behavior.

  "Did you start the self-defense training as a way of rebuilding your self-confidence?" he finally hazarded with keen perception.

  "I've told you I don't want to talk about it. Any of it," she said wearily.

  "It had been working, hadn't it?" he went on thoughtfully. "When you walked through the door downstairs tonight I was looking at a woman who wasn't afraid of anything in the world. You'd really convinced yourself that you could handle any man who got out of line. And your success with Phelps must have put the final cap on your confidence. You took him out as if he were a helpless child."

  "Please, Case . . ."

  "But don't you know that no matter how good you are, there's always someone who's a little tougher, a little more experienced? You may have learned how to take care of yourself, but you didn't learn the common sense to go along with it!"

  "I've told you I don't want to talk about it!"

  "Okay," he conceded with a sigh, "we'll talk about it later. We have a lot to discuss, you and I."

  "Don't be ridiculous. We're never going to see each other again. I just want to go home . . ."

  "To San Francisco?" he concluded helpfully.

  "And I don't want you having Wolf do any more checking up on me!"

  He smiled slowly. "We'll talk about everything in the morning," he pacified, his hand on her chin moving to tangle itself briefly in her long, tousled hair. He withdrew it at once when she flinched.

  "Kendra, there's nothing to worry about. I won't hurt you. Can't you believe in me, trust me that much? If I'd been going to do something violent, it would have been a few minutes ago in the heat of anger."

  She shivered, nodding. "Yes."

  "And I was angry," he added dryly.

  "I know."

  "So for two years you haven't had any sort of normal relationship? Never fallen in love?" "No!"

  "But you've gotten yourself back to the point where you don't mind a few kisses, caresses?" he persisted.

  "That's all I want from a relationship now, Case. As I said, even if I hadn't tried to get out of here, you would have found me a—a cheat." She focused on the potted palm across the room. Such a lovely fantasy room. But reality had intruded very heavily, destroying all the warm illusion.

  "I don't think I would have felt cheated," he countered softly.

  She snapped he
r head around, alarmed anew at the deepening note in his voice.

  "Relax. You have my word that I won't push you beyond your own limits."

  "Case, no, I don't want—"

  But he was tugging her tenderly against his bare chest, letting her hold the dress in clenched fists between them. She wanted to protest, wanted to beg him not to touch her again, but the words wouldn't come. She was exhausted, physically and mentally and emotionally.

  He dropped a velvety warm kiss on her brow, using one hand to push a lock of hair back over her shoulder. Then his lips moved with fine sensitivity to her temples, her ears.

  Kendra felt her inner shiver breaking through the rigidity of her body.

  "You admitted you were enjoying some aspects of what happened between us," he whispered persuasively. "All I'm asking now is that you let yourself enjoy them again. . . ."

  "Not after what's happened! It's not possible!" she cried, turning her face into the hair-sprinkled skin of his shoulder as his arms went gently around her.

  "Especially after what's happened," he contradicted firmly. "Do you think I want you going home in the morning able to remember only that I nearly raped you? God, Kendra! Let me erase some of those memories I just gave you!"

  "No," she protested against his skin, already aware of the warm, male scent of him. "You'll want more than I can give. Men always want more!"

  "I'm not denying that," he agreed with a low, rueful groan. "But I won't take any more. You have my word. Just let me hold you for a while, touch you, feel your body next to mine . . ."

  His voice held that gentle, coaxing, soothing note again, the one her buried senses had responded to when he'd called them out of hiding. Strong but tender hands moved along the length of her back from the nape of her neck to her waist, gliding under the fall of her hair.

  "There is passion in you, Kendra Loring. You seduced me until I couldn't think of anything except getting you into bed, and then you turned into a tigress before my eyes! You set a man's head spinning, do you know that?"

  He was lowering himself backward onto the carpet, pulling her down on top of him. There was no painful